self-searching.

am on the path of life learning. and perhaps self-searching too.

i have not been putting much efforts in school. and the deadlines are approaching. how sweet uh?

i have to stay focus.


more than often when there are goals set ahead. somewhat along the way, there will be some things out there distracting me. blamed on my span of "ill-concentration".

speaking from my past experiences, not once but twice when i was starting a new life chapter, distraction came along. and that was the most "wonderful" thing that could ever happened on me.

it was like going on an outfield trip, the navigator was tasked to get across a terrain to the destination. but along the way, the navigator spotted a beautiful reindeer, and decided to chase after it. yet, he dropped his compass without realizing. the reindeer noticed the navigator was following, got alarmed and ran away. in the end, the navigator still has to find the way to destination, without the compass. well perhaps he might still has the map with him.

but have u ever wonder, what if the reindeer is not alarmed by the action of the navigator? what if the reindeer can get along with the navigator, and eventually lead the navigator to the destination? or maybe right from the start, the navigator should just be focus on getting to the destination.


hmm.. i am rather passive in making emotional decisions. but how come when i always buck up the courage, it has to turn out sour.

j said its not ur turn yet.
k said its about being one's self.

this moment i think i understand what is going on, but on the next, i am clueless about what is happening.

i dislike uncertainty. i lack of confidence. i need the shoulder. and do i have a problem in expressing myself?

suddenly u asked if i have that "soulmate". nope, i don't. i think the missing of the bitch in my life is part of the main cause to all these. and i really feel like shedding tears now. i do need the "emotionally-strong" one to be with me. as the bitch, will u?


i took an hour & 25 minutes to write this.
i shall head for bed.